If you are considering becoming a Gestational Surrogate, then congratulations. You are already in a small subset of incredible women willing to endure pregnancy for someone else. What a truly incredible gift that is!
When it comes to picking the type of journey to go on, there are two main paths to choose from: an independent arrangement (meaning there is no surrogacy agency involved), or being matched through a surrogacy agency. The major differences will become apparent when it comes to figuring out who will manage the numerous steps along the surrogacy journey.
Using an Agency:
If you decide to go with an agency, the next big decision to make is which agency do you sign up with. There are going to be multitude of local options in your home state. Many larger agencies recruit Surrogates across wide geographic areas.
There are subtle differences to be aware of like: what does the benefit package look like (what are you being reimbursed or compensated for), what kind of support does that agency provide throughout the matching process and during the pregnancy, how quickly are they able to match you, and what are your obligations (if any) to work with that agency in the future. You will be able to find surrogate forums and chat groups where you can hear from other surrogates about their experiences with those agencies. Be careful of the one “horror story” or equally isolated “most amazing experience ever.” Those outliers are not usually representative of the average experience. But if you start hearing a lot of similar stories, good or bad, then that can be a sign of what you might expect your experience to look like.
Once you have made up your mind on the agency of your choice, they are likely going to have you sign an “Agency Retainer Agreement.” This is essentially a contract between you and the agency. It lays out the terms of your agreement to work with them. The Retainer Agreement will almost always suggest that you REVIEW THE DOCUMENT WITH YOUR OWN INDEPENDENT ATTORNEY BEFORE SIGNING. The reality is that most surrogates don’t do this. You really should so you understand the unique items and specifics that you are agreeing to with that agency and to find out if the terms are relatively standard. Stay tuned several short posts about items you can expect to see in your Agency Retainer.
What Does the Agency Do for You?
From the Surrogate’s perspective, the agency’s most important function is to get you matched. These agencies facilitate arrangements and find you appropriate Intended Parent(s) to work with based on your individual preferences. While you don’t necessarily pay them for this service, when signing up with the agency you do usually grant them an exclusivity period where you agree to only work with them and their prospective Intended Parent(s). If they can’t get you matched within a reasonable amount of time (this is usually spelled out in your Retainer Agreement under the exclusivity period), then you can walk away and sign up with a new agency.
Once you are matched, the agency’s main role is to shepherd the match and guide both the Surrogate and Intended Parent(s) throughout the journey. They help facilitate interactions with the other professionals involved (legal, medical, insurance, etc.). They act as experienced guides to make sure your journey avoids the numerous potholes and roadblocks that can come up during a surrogacy journey. They also act as the neutral referee in the event of a dispute. This function is vitally important when a match starts to spiral out of control. Issues related to communication, physician preferences, lifestyle restrictions, insurance payments, and surrogate compensation payments can come up. When that happens, the agency should step-in and help right the ship and keep the journey moving forward in a way that is agreeable to both sides.
Going Independent:
The other option if you don’t use an agency is to do the journey independently. There are a growing number of sites, online forums, and organizations that help connect intended parents and surrogates together for independent journeys. While this option is available, it is important to remember the wisdom of Forest Gump. “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get.” This is a lot like independent journeys.
Without an agency to guide the match and counsel each side, these independent journeys can be tricky and complicated. Even if you know the other party really well, contracts have a way of straining relationships. If you work independently with an individual or couple you do not know well, this can be even more risky. Most IP(s) and Gestational Surrogates involved in independent matches lack significant experience with surrogacy arrangements. That makes them more likely to encounter obstacles or issues that don’t end well. So, I always strongly advise Surrogates think very carefully before deciding on this option.
If there is no surrogacy agency involved, then all of these incredibly important functions need to be handled by someone; that is usually going to be the Intended Parent(s). Depending on how well you know your Intended Parent(s) and the nature of your relationship, it can quickly strain the arrangement when there are disagreements about how the journey should progress. The lawyers on each side may be able/willing to help resolve disputes (usually at a cost), but we attorneys (at least those who are not also running their own agency) don’t fill the agency role. Any issues that come up will need to be resolved between you and the Intended Parent(s).
Most Intended Parents who pursue independent journeys fall into one of two categories: they are either repeat IPs who have done a surrogacy journey through an agency before and who think they can do the agency functions on their own; or they are completely new to this process but after looking at the agency fees involved they realize they can save a lot of money by taking on those agency responsibilities and functions themselves and cut out the agency. Keep in mind that the agency is also meant to provide a neutral opinion on issues or disputes that come up. Unless you are very comfortable and close with your Intended Parents, I would recommend you take advantage of the services an agency provides. There are also a handful of professional consultants out there that will advise Intended Parent(s) on their Independent Journeys. These surrogacy consultants offer a low-cost alternative to high agency fees and they provide much of the support and guidance an agency would normally do. At a minimum, you will want some neutral party involved to help settle disagreements that are bound to come up.
Conclusion
Regardless of the path you choose, your journey can be great at times and it can be bumpy at times. Most journeys have their ups and downs. Just keep in mind that if your match doesn’t work out, you can always try again with a new family.
Once you have made your choice about going independent or with an agency, the next steps usually involves medical and psychological screening. We will leave it there for now. Stay tuned for more posts on being screened and matched with Intended Parents!!
▶ ▶▶ For more information and a no-cost consultation with Attorney James Mahan, please contact The Surrogate’s Corner!
